i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
