Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
