Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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