So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
