how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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