she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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