I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
