Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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