Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
