So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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