This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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