just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
