i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
