I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
