a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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