i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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