To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
