First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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