After last night, I could never be a politician.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
