At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
