I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
