Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
