Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
