too bad you live with your parents still
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
