wanna go halves on a baby?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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