I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
