If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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