Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think im going to throw up on grandma
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
