he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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