i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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