I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
