Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize