OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
