1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
