mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
