i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
