I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
