billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
