This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
