I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
