Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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