Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
smell my finger.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
