why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
