Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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