I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize