There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
