There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
