He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
