Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Who died my cat blue again?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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