He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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