Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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