so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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