I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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