he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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