i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
