How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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