So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
