Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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