cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
