it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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