I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
