i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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