if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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