i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
