She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
