She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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