remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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