Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
