I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
