Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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