erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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