Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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