cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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