oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize