Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
