Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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