Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
