you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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