how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dick very happy bro
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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