her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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