Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just cropdusted the office
i love accidental penises.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
