The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize