doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
