Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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