Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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