SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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