Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
