Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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