If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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