so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
