It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize