OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
